Social Anxiety,,,,, some insight on mine

So its no news that i have suffered from this since i was a child. at 5 years old i would refuse to speak in front of the class, not even a simple hello. when in came to speeches in grade school i would write it all out and then stand there and cry because i couldn't seem to make myself speak. in grade 7 i was picked on by the teacher and forced to do all kinds of stuff on front of the class, it was awful and didn't help at all. now, while i can make a phone call to strangers...if i know you its very hard. many times ppl give me their numbers and say to call if i need to talk. i want to, I really do want but i cant seem to do it. i get all excited for social functions and get together s but then once i am there i cant start a conversation with anyone so if no one speaks to me...i say nothing. i end up either leaving early, or coming home very upset and frustrated with myself, not having enjoyed the evening at all. if i am late, there's a good chance i wont show up...i hate having everyone turn and look at me when i walk in. i hate eating in front of ppl. and even though i use to force myself to do these things to try and get over it...i gave up. now i barely leave the house, and a lot of the time i make my husband come with me to make it a bit easier. i don't feel like i fit in with anyone and i am positive that i will say something dumb and that ppl are sitting there judging me. my hair, my size, everything i say and do. its an awful feeling. I hate being this way, its very lonely, and causes me to not really have any friends. i want to be a social butterfly...but i cant. its so much more the shyness, and i am not a snob...i just suffer from pretty bad social anxiety. here is some info on it. We can all feel nervous in social situations like job interviews or when we’re giving presentations. But if you’re so scared of interacting with others that it affects your relationships with other people or it affects your work or school performance, you may have something called social anxiety disorder. What is It? Social anxiety disorder, also known as social phobia, is a mental disorder. It belongs to a group of mental disorders called anxiety disorders. People with social anxiety disorder feel very nervous and uncomfortable in social situations like meeting new people. Or they might feel very anxious when they have to do something in front of other people, like talking in a meeting. Some people feel very anxious in both situations. People with social anxiety disorder often feel like they will say or do the wrong thing. Or they might think that other people will look down on them and think poorly of them because they’re “strange” or “stupid.” It’s important to know that adults with social anxiety disorder recognize that they feel too anxious, but they may not be able to control it. Some people may have a panic attack or feel some physical signs of anxiety when they’re facing a social situation. Common physical signs of anxiety include stomach aches, shallow breathing, sweating or feeling hot flashes, feeling like your heart is racing, feeling tightness in your chest, feeling tense and feeling shaky. Social anxiety disorder can have a very negative effect on your well-being and quality of life. The disorder can cause a lot of problems in your relationships with partners, family and friends. It can also seriously affect your school or work life. You may avoid certain careers or fields of study, avoid contributing your ideas, turn down promotions, drop out of school or take many days off because you feel so anxious. Some people with social anxiety disorder fear one or just a few specific social situations. Others fear a wide range of social situations. Could I have social anxiety disorder? It’s normal to feel a bit nervous or anxious when you have to give a speech or when you’re meeting people for the first time. But with social anxiety disorder, your anxiety is so intense that it affects many parts of your life. It might affect your school or work life, relationships, things you do for fun or your day-to-day life. These are some other signs you might have social anxiety disorder: I’m scared other people will think I’m stupid or strange if I say something wrong I’m scared to do things like join in during meetings at work or discussions at school or give presentations in front of a group of people When I’m in an uncomfortable social situation, I think other people can see how anxious I feel. I go out of my way to avoid social situations that make me anxious, and I dread situations I can’t avoid I drink a lot or use other substances to lower my anxiety before I to go to a social event If you agree with some or all of the above statements, the best thing to do is talk to your doctor. Top Who Does It Affect? Social anxiety disorder is one of the most common types of anxiety disorders, and one of the most common mental disorders. About 8% of people will experience symptoms of social anxiety disorder at some point in their life. Without treatment, social anxiety disorder can last for a long time. Unfortunately, many people never seek help for social anxiety disorder. There are some groups of people at higher risk of getting the disorder: Age—Social anxiety disorder often starts sometime between childhood and teenage years. The majority of people with social anxiety disorder say that their symptoms started before they were 18 Women—Social anxiety disorder generally affects men and women fairly equally, though women may be slightly more likely to experience the disorder than men Other mental disorder or substance use disorder—Many people with social anxiety disorder have other mental disorders like depression, panic disorder, bulimia nervosa (an eating disorder) and substance use disorders. Social anxiety disorder in children Young children usually don’t know that they are experiencing anxiety. They just know that they have stomach aches, headaches or other physical symptoms of anxiety. Children also know that they just don’t want to do certain activities. So children might express their anxiety by complaining about physical discomfort, avoiding social activities, refusing to go to school or acting out.

World Mental Health Day

I have bipolar type 1 with psychosis, I have generalized anxiety disorder, some ocd traits, i was a self harmer. I have thought about suicide more often then i can count or even remember. I have tried to attempt several times, but i learned i am not very good at it. i have been hospitalized twice. once was for a psychotic break after my last child was born, a year later was because i was severely depressed and knew i was going to try and kill myself. i have tried more meds then i can even remember...but that was before i was properly dx. i have learned a psychiatrist is key to helping mental illness, not a family doc...but a specialist. before i was properly dx i was thought to have severe depression, and was treated with antidepressants...which at one point made me manic...actually more like a mixed episode which is manic and depressed at the same time, and is VERY risky.... i got those more often then mania or hypo mania. i was probably bipolar since i was about 14 years old, but back then my cries for help went unanswered. i suffered for years alone and afraid, not knowing why i was happy and energetic and someone everyone loved to miserable and depressed, to cutting myself (i have over 100 scars) and thinking of suicide to actually attempting it. sure once i knew what bipolar was it was a relief, but still it took a couple more years before i became stable on medication and even then somedays are still a battle. its a life long condition, i will always need meds, and understanding ppl in my life....the suicide rate for ppl with bipolar is pretty high...so ya some days i am scared. but i am not scared to admit i have a mental illness and that i need help to function every day. I am proud of what i have overcome. just some ramblings i wanted to share to support World Mental Health Day before it ended. remember if you are suffering...you don't have to be alone. There is help out there.

weightloss blues

so i have been off cymbalta for a few days. defiently feeling weird and off because of that. i will go back on on thursday though so no biggie.. mostly feeling a little down about my weight. dont want to post about it on the weightloss blog as i want that to be positive. but really, i have sooo much weight to lose i am starting to think i wont be able to do it. ever. no matter what. the goal i have right now, which i know was overweight still, but i felt really good when i was at that weight. after reading about BMI's i realize that over 30 is considered to be obese still and I would be like 32. so then i was playing around with it and to get to just slightly over weight with a bmi of like 29 i would have to lose over 300lbs. (yes i havnt come right out and said what i weigh, its humilating...but you can kinda guess by this post i guess...oh well) 300lbs! is that even doable??! like ever!?? i wont give up, but i guess its never going to be my future to not be obese. why did i ever let myself get this big????? sometimes i hate myself for allowing it to happen. i am worried too that it will be harder on bipolar meds, all the side effects for my meds say weight gain....i really hope that doesnt mean i wont be able to do it. feeling frustrated today. could use some support.

Dare i say it?

yup thats right. i am fairly up and down but since my 2nd last appointment over 2 weeks ago i would dare say i am stable. my anxeity is fairly high...but i think thats the heat (my meds make me unable to deal with heat and light and my weight humidity). that and the fighting kids....but i am dealing with that fairly good considering they are alive and i am not crying in the corner in the fetal position. as long as i am able to freely vent my frustrations i can handle them. we put down my dose of cymbalata (and after weight loss i am hoping to get rid of it totally) and also my respirdol since the monring dose was making me fall asleep all the time. i have an appointment with my therapist who is helping me learn ways other then meds to cope with severe anxiety. anyways i had an appointment with Dr. tidd today and it went really well. i go back in just over a month. hopefully i can handle that long! i do get depressed with my weight, i hated seeing pics of myself from my 10th anniversary party on the weekend. man i look different then before sebastian was born, and not in a good way. and i get depressed about being unable to walk or stand much. but i have a date soon for weight loss surgery (see my other blog) and i beleive that will fix that. me and dr. tidd beleive it will help my self esteem and depression a lot. but all in all things are looking pretty good.

med change!

So i had a pysch appointment today. I told him about my anger and my rages. how i use to have them really badly before i was medicated and have been better from them for years till reccently. well he thinks it might be a side effect from cymbalta, apparently it can be known for that. So he took away my 30 mg morning dose (still getting 60 mg at night). he also increased my respirdol to 1.5 mg in the monring (still 2 at night) to also see if that helps. that and also reccently while driving i have been "seeing" kids and cars jump in front of me even though they arnt there. it just startles me but i know its not real right away. so my doc thinks its anxiety, and not pyscosis which is good to hear. but the med change should help this too. I really hope so as last night i have had one of the worst nights ever, I wont get into the details but i regret how i reacted very much. i hope this change helps me feel more like myself again.

anger.

currently i am off my cymbalta due to us not getting paid untill thursday. its weird though i feel no ill effects, and i am not sure i should go back on. i dont feel it makes that much of a difference. I still have huge mood swings and issues with feeling depressed even on the meds. currently right now i am more concerened with my anger and rages. i use to be like this before i was on respirdol (an anti pyscotic) they pretty much stopped (and they were bad) but they have picked up (not as bad) the last few weeks. and getting worse. i will talk to my doctor about this this week. i am not off those meds and never have been (they are cheap unlike cymbalta) so i dont know why this issues has creeped up. i was a bit manic...with racing thoughts and trouble sleeping so 2 weeks ago my doc raised that med from 2mg to 3. and i seem to have gotten worse right around that time, its weird. i dont like it at all. i do not like feeling like i am about to snaop at any second, and i do feel slightly homicidal towards certain ppl sometimes. so this has got to be fixed. asap.

*sigh*

I just want to feel cared about, to feel loved and wanted. (not by hubby....he always makes me feel loved and wanted) but by other friends and family. i feel like an unwanted outcast most days. i dont know if its me or the illness. what makes me feel this way? i just want ppl to show that they care...even just by little things.