Emotional time

I am finding that I am super emotional latly, although I tend to be In December and January. Lilia turned 3 on friday and its hard. Not becuase shes getting older, and not becuase her birth was tramatic or anything (it was great actually, very fond memories of the actual birth) I just keep thinking that 3 years ago I was home with a newborn and a toddler. Everyone was happy and healthy (not counting the flu i had), then a few days later I am slapped in the face with a very sick child, and my entire world turned upside down. Then on the 21st I will remember the horrible details on almost losing her, and her first christmas laying with her chest open in toronto. I know shes doing well, but i cant forget the past (and nor do i want to) and every year it does get easier, esepcially as she gets older and more and more stronger. Somone metioned that maybe i have a bit of PTSD, which wouldnt surprise me, but I also think these feelings are pretty normal.
I dont really have anyone to talk to about these feelings, but really would it help anyways? I jsut find myself crying a bit more latly and hugging my kids a lot.

In a funk

I have a lot to look forward to this month, and my weight loss is going well..me and brant are getting along better. SO you would think Iw ould be happy, but i dont I am in a funk that i cant seem to get out of, it sucks. I hate feeling this way.