appointment today...

So last week i had a crisis appointment with my shrink (i call him that because i have issues with spelling lol) we upped my meds and booked an appointment to see him again today. so the graphic images i have in my brain (will post more about those later) are not as frequent, and i find actually when i get them i am starting to be able to distract myself. blogging as been a great tool for this so far. My doc says this is great and is 110% on board with using blogging to distract and cope with my negative thoughts. so i am gonna really try to keep at it. plus maybe ppl will have a tiny idea what its like to be in my brain...if anyone actually reads this lol. anyways i cant work. not just becuase of my severe back issues but also because of my mental health issues. so i am applying to canada pension (CPP) to try and get some money every month. my doctor filled out the form no problem. thought i would share what he said before i send it in. its very surreal seeing it for the first time written down. i am not really sure what to think. anyways so it starts off mentioning my hospital admissions, both of them stating one was for being suicidal and psycotic, the 2nd time for being suicuidal and depressed. then he says... "patient has severe mood disorder, and is unable to manage a work setting due to symptoms of depression, sucidiality, severe anxiety, and occasional psycotic breaks" then TALKS ABOUT MY MEDS AND THE THERAPY I DID. (OOPS sorry hit caps and i am lazy) then just talks again about my dx, and that i require regualar visits with him and frequent crisis appointments. i think the reasons he says mood disorder and not bipolar 2 (as i was dx that by another dr a few years ago) because of the pyscotic breaks i have had. that could be a sign of bipolar 1.....but i tend to have more depression..which is more like bipolar 2,. so we are a little confuse with which one I have. anyways going to feed the kids now and go watch dancefest at aurora's school...shes an awesome dancer.