This is how I feel...always.

“When you're surrounded by all these people, it can be lonelier than when you're by yourself. You can be in a huge crowd, but if you don't feel like you can trust anyone or talk to anybody, you feel like you're really alone.” ― Fiona Apple this is how i always feel it seems like. when you suiffer from depression it really seems like no one cares. you scream and you cry, and you beg for somone to understand you, to help you, to hold you. but really its like your drowning in water getting deeper and deeper and everyone is sitting there watching you drown but doing nothing to help you. the way i scream and cry is by posting my feelings on fb (and now on here) not having replies every time makes me feel like no one cares. which rationally i know probably isnt true, they probably just dont know what to say...but not saying anything at all does more harm. but really there is no rationality in bipolar. I have family that suffers with depression...but we dont talk about it. I try to some times, but they dont want to really acknowledge i have an illness thats so severe. and really its just easier for me to down play my emotions. like last time i was admitted for a week, i said it was for a med change. i doubt my parents really wanted to know i was there for my own safety. because i told my doctor i was going to kill myself. but thats why i was there. i have friends who have mental health issues, and you would think that they would be the most understanding...becuase i know i am when they vent to me. but mostly i get ignored texts, subject changes amd "i dont know what to say about" that when i cry for them to help me....am i really that bad off that even my bipolar (and other ilness') friends dont know what to do with me? Honestly the only person who is always there for me is brant, but is that really fair to put so much of my issues on his schoulders? he has big shoulders and he lvoes me deeply. but he shouldnt have to cover the slack from everyone else who supposdly also love me. i just want to understand why no one else seems to care. why no one in this world seems to get me. i just want to be loved, hugged and to feel understood.