where is the light at the end of the tunnel?

it feels hopless. i am depressed, i am irritable, i am panicky. maybe i need to be admitted? but i cant. i have things i have to do...i waited 6 months for this damn appointment on wednesday...its a way to help me with my depression, to give me a longer life. i cant.miss.it. i need to hold it together untill its over. but then its sebastians birthday....i have to be home for that. so really its not convient. i wont kill myself...i have to much i need to do. but how do i make these feelings stop? up my meds until i become a zombie? i just want to be happy again. please.