Why do I care if ppl like me or not? I will never understand this. I despartly tried to get back in contact with old friends from high school. I always wodnered what was going on in their lives, how they were doing..remembering the "good" old days. Esepcially when i moved back to london..I knew some are here..some are married (i dont think any have kids though) so i thought we had some stuff in common again. But nope, they wouldnt even acknowldge that i was even writing to them. They would even read updates on Lilia caring bridge website, they knew I had a duaghter dying in the hospital and they didn't even write on her guestbook. I dont know if they relaized how much that hurt..or maybe they did and they were/are just trying to hurt me. I dont udnerstand it and I really dont understand why I even give a damn! but I do, a lot. I dont think I will EVER have an answer on this.
I know ppl on M2M dont like me either..I mean I can write Lilia isnt feeling well and I'll have 100 replies, But I could write I want to kill myself, and 2 ppl would reply. I know they only want me on there so they can see how Lilia is doing..they were around when the shit hit the fan with her..I think they just realized later (like reccently) how much they actually dislike me. I wrote a post about how overwhelmed I am about Lilia's appoinments...(they jsut doubled) and how I dont know how I am going to manage going back to work and doing all this..and even if they dont undertstand..at least acknowledging me would make me feel a bit better.
I am just tired of everyone hating me and not even giving me a good reason why. It feels so 2 faced. I knwo sounds a little funny after my last post about graham..but really that was a mess i needed out of...I would rather not have any friends then friends who treat me like that.
hoenslty right now I am pretty much done with everyone, I am tired of getting hurt.
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